Sample Relationship Advice -
Real-life Case Studies

This sample relationship advice page is a continuation of the free relationship advice section of this website. Like every other sections of this website, it features an invaluable collection of relationship advice.

Thus, these set of sample relationship advice are indeed real-life testimonies or case studies of the qualitative nature of the free relationship advice that is the hallmark of this website.

Without any further ado, take a look at the first of the sample relationship advice in this collection.

Case Study No. One:
Sample Relationship Advice Given to "Debra"

Request for Relationship Advice by
Debra on 03 February, 2010 at 19:37:

The following request for a relationship advice by an online female friend of mine was done during my interaction with her on one of the most popular social network media on the internet.

It is with her permission that l feature this dialogue l had with her as the first of the series of sample relationship advice case studies that you will find in this section. The dialogue remains unedited from the actual dialogue which took place between her and myself. However, in order to respect and secure her privacy, l simply refer to her here as "Debra".

"Good day, my name is Debra (her real name has been changed). I hve been reading ur occassional notes on relationships n love n hve found them to be quite insightful n inspiring. I have a story which I want to tell u. I have been confused n frustrated by this issue for so long.

"I would appreciate ur insight and advice. I met a young man (29) when I was jst 20 n not really a fan of commitment n relationship. He fell in love with me after sme fews months of dating n within sme few months after I also did.

"During this period we were dating, I refused to have sex with him which he was not happy about. The reason I gave him was that sex in a relationship meant deeper commitment wit two pple who r ready to spend the rest of their lives together come wht may. I told him dat I didn't want a situation whereby he decides he isn't interested n wants to leave n I would nt allow it becos of d deeper bond n love I would hve for him.lnspite of my attempts to dissuade him, he kept persisting sayin that he loved me n he was never going to leave no mata wht happen.

"After much ado,I was convinced tht he would be the one n gave in. He said that he wanted our bond to be stronger. This was three yrs ago. As I write to you, the guy is in a relationship wit smeone else (his ex who travelled out of the country).

"After 8mths of dating, he started acting strange one day n refused to tell wht was wrong. He stopped callin or tellin me how much he loved him. Even at dis, I never stopped callin him to reassure him tht I was stil wit him n by his side no mata wht was wrong. After a mnth of this strange behaviour, he informed me on the fone tht he wasn't interested again.

"I was so devasted n heartbroken n kept askin him wht I did wrong bt he refused to talk to me. I eventually decided after much to try n move on bt to no avail. During this period I fell victim to date rape by a friend who I trusted. After two mnths he decided to get bck together wit me. I decided to tell him abt wht happened bt choked n told him it was consented sex. He got angry n accussed me of betrayin our love. I begged him but to no avail as he called the relationship off again.

"I was so shocked tht he would do tht bt stil kept on pleadin wit him. He shouted on me on several occassions n even said harsh words to me. I decided to let him be. Five mnths later he showed up again claimin tht he wntd my friendship. I agree seeing no harm wit it n soon we became intimate again, me nt knowin tht he was already datin his ex in london. Right now I m stil wit him bt he has decided tht he wnts to marry dis gal abroad n tht he doesn't love me anymore becos of tht incident.

"During dis past few yrs I discovered evidences tht proved tht he might hve stil been datin dis gal even after he met me. Have I been a fool by believing him n givin him all of me? Right now I hve been drained completely n when I bring up the issue I discussed wit him before I committed myself to him, he gets aggressive n tells me tht he didn't force me nor did he put a gun to my head.

"Pls I need ur advice on wht to do. I m stil so much in love with him n its so difficult forr me to be with some else. Was he decieving me all along? knowin wht he Wanted. Will appreciate ur input n wld be waitin for ur reply. Thank you n God bless"

The moment l received the above request for a free relationship advice from Debra, l sent the following message to let her know of this while l took time to re-read and fully digest her story.

Respond by Kome (03 February, 2010 at 20:52):

"Thanks for confiding in me, Debra. This message is to let u know l have seen ur message and l'm giving it the prompt attention it deserves. But be patient with me as l co-ordinate my thoughts in order to give u the best response possible within the next 1hr. Thanks for ur patience."

After haven digested Debra's story in its entirety about an hour later, l sent her this next message.

Free Relationship Advice by Kome (03 February, 2010 at 22:30):

"I thank u once again, Debra, for confiding in me. I admit liberally that it took an amazing amount of courage and TRUST for u to seek my advice on this matter. I hope u do realise that whatever advice l offer to u, the choice and decision still lies with u to make?

"I really sympathise with u for all the pains and heartaches u've had to go thru in ur relationship. Before l go any further, let me quickly state here that l've had to go thru a situation that is very similar to urs but in my own case l got married to a woman who l initially thought loved me at the onset and ended up WASTING 8yrs of my life with her in a LOVELESS relationship.

"To make matters worse, there were no children in the marriage. I must confess to u, IT WAS NO FUN AT ALL. I had no joy whatsoever from the very first month until the 8th year. I would have been happier if l had not gotten married to her in the 1st place!

"From what u've told me about ur affair with ur boyfriend, u love him still and l believe it is ur intention to marry him. But u also said that he has made it clear to u that he intends to marry this other girl who presently lives abroad. So, l want u to ask urself these questions:

"1. Why does he prefer the girl living abroad to u?
2. What is ur stake in the relationship?
3. Do u have any future with this man?

4. Is he prepared to have u as a second wife? Are u prepared to be a second wife to any man?
5. Why does he still want to hang on to u when he has made it clear that it is over between u both? Or, is it u that wish to continue to hang on to him?
6. Are u sure this man can ever stay by u thru thick and thin, 4 better 4 worse? Will he make a good husband?

7. Does he possess the qualities u would expect ur future husband to possess? Does he even care about u?
8. Why do u love this man? "My dear Debra, l assure u that if u analyse ur relationship with ur boyfriend carefully and without any bias, u'll realise that he does not love u. He does not even love this other girl living abroad. I believe he is attracted to this girl becos of what he expects to get from the relationship.

"Let me remind u that true love is a two-way street. True love flows freely from one person to the other involved in the relationship. It is not a triparte love triangle. U're better off breaking up a loveless relationship NOW, than going into marriage hoping 4 the best. This is becos people hardly change. My ex-wife never changed. If ur love affair is all about u making all the compromises without him doing anything in return to sustain the affair, then something is seriously wrong.

"Remember, life is too short to live thru it in a loveless relationship. I've been down that road before, so l should know. I assure u, it is NO FUN. And certainly, NO JOY. U do not want to go thru life feeling miserable and unhappy, do u? Of course not! And may that never be ur portion in Jesus name. Amen! Then do the needful NOW. No matter how painful the breakup may be now, the pain and heartache associated with breakup after marriage is more terrible.

"Remain blessed. And let me know of what u eventually decide to do, please."

Debra sent a reply as follows (04 February, 2010 at 01:56):

"Thk u for ur advice n I will definately inform u of my decision when I mk it. I know he might nt love n might have been using me becos of wht he was getting frm me both financially and sexually. I dnt wnt to be anyone second wife. I think u r also right abt his relationship wit the other gal.

"I pray God gives me the strength to mk the right decision. I m sory abt wht u went throu, its nt easy to stay 3yrs talkless of 8yrs wit smeone who doesn't love u. The only question in mind is tht I hope dis doesn't affect my future relationship becos I m beginning to lose faith in finding true love. Thks again n I will keep u informed of future developments. Stay blessed"

Free Relationship Advice by Kome (04 February, 2010 at 06:38):

"Let me reassure u, Debra, that true love still exists, though rare and scarce. The fact that l still believe in it despite my own personal experience should instill confidence in u about the existence of true love. U're a LOYAL woman and u're still quite young at that.

"So, it shouldn't be difficult getting someone else. U need to be VERY CAREFUL and apply ur 6th sense the next time though. Many men are simply not ready 4 a long-term commitment. All they want most times is instant sexual gratification and off they go to find their next victim.

"In my estimation, only 20% are ready to take the deep dive. So u need to be discerning to find the one u'd grow to CHERISH and LOVE and that would be just right 4 u.

"Personally, l'd never fall in love with someone who doesn't love me EVER AGAIN! Likewise, l want u to be RESOLUTE and DETERMINED that u'd NEVER fall in love with someone who doesn't love u EVER AGAIN.

"Stay blessed and keep in touch."

After about a week, Debra sent the following message to me (11 February, 2010 at 19:34):

"Hey, whts up....been a while...ow is ur search for ur val ddate going? Any luck yet.. I ve been thinkin a lot these days abt wht step to take...n I finally decided to let go of him n move on...bt there seem to b a problem, this is nt the first tyme I m mking dis decision..

"At first I alway seem determined to move on then smthing happens tht mks me go bck... I jst realized wht it was..the pains....when I imagine wht I hve been throu n ow he can jst love sme one else after all I ve suffered..... I hve tried several tyme to move on bt the story is always the sme... I jst hope tht its different this tyme... I m already missing him n longing to hear his voice..

"I wonder smetymes why love cld be so cruel.. Anyway its a battle I hope to win cos my mind wnt to be free bt my heart can bear the pain of leaving... I can't even stop the tears frm coming n there seem to be anoda problem... I think I might be pregnant.. lol... It lyke a bad drim n I jst wanna wake up n laugh over it..... Anyway hp u r doing fyne n u r well..tk care"

Free Relationship Advice by Kome (11 February, 2010 at 21:05):

"Thanks dear. I have not found my val and l suspect that l may eventually have to spend the valentine day HOME ALONE. Anyway, let's forget about me for the time being becos it is not important. Your story is indeed touching, dear. But, it gives me an insight and a whole new perspective on love relationship from a feminine point of view.

"However, u may find It surprising indeed if l tell u that l find it puzzling that u find it difficult to turn ur back on ur man and bid ur relationship with him a true and sure goodbye. Perhaps u will understand how l feel about it after reading my most recent write-up on "l Have Not Found Love".

"But, come to think of it; why is it difficult for u to break up with ur man? Does it mean that other guys do not approach u with request to engage in a relationship with u? Is it possible that u find urself going back to ur guy becos u're scared of hooking up with someone else perhaps believing that the devil u know is better than the angel u do not know? Except, maybe l am missing something here.

"And the fact that u may be pregnant now only serves to complicate things for u. So, if it is proven that u're pregnant, what are u going to do about it? Will u have an abortion or keep the baby? Do u now see that u may have left it too late in the day to leave ur man now?

"And what if u're indeed not pregnant, will u still have the moral courage to leave him? Please ponder over these questions carefully becos l assure u that a broken relationship is by far better and saves u a whole lot of heartache, misery and grief than a broken marriage."

Debra sent in the following reply (11 February, 2010 at 21:55):

"I undastand ur concern......bt da truth is dat I dnt knw why I can't leave him...a lot of guys cme arund bt I dnt seem to hve any interest whtsoever in them........even an ex of mine has been on my case for four yrs now....my friends n family r baffled at the fact tht I stil wnt to be wit him....

"They knw I ve really changed since I met him... They kips tryin to persuade me to leave him. Every tyme I think of him or m close to him....I seem to forget all the wrong he has done... He is all I think of.. I can't stop loving him no mata wht he does..

"I jst can't see myself wit anyone else. I hve dis strong convinction tht he will change n thts kips bringing me bck to him... As for the issue of if I m pregnant... I can't abort it...he wld never forgive me if I do.... bt I pray I m not becos its gonna mk things harder for me... Well I ll kip on tryin hard to break dis barrier tht stops me from lettin go..... As for ur val u dnt hve to stay at hme alone,u cld hang out wit a friend.."

Free Relationship advice by Kome (12 February, 2010 at 02:56):

"How l wish a girl would love me only half as much as u claim to love this guy! But don't u see, Debra, that becos u "can't stop loving him no matter what he does", that is why he will continue to behave badly, treat u harshly and continue to hurt ur feelings knowing that u will ALWAYS TAKE HIM BACK WHENEVER HE SIMPLY SNAPS HIS FINGER NO MATTER HOW BAD HE HAS BEHAVED?

"And for ur information, PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE, except in only a few instances. And what's the chance that he will be among the few instances? Only 1/100000 persons, probably less, actually do change!

"U'd be surprised that if u actually do stand ur ground NOW and refuse to go back to him EVEN IF HE COMES CRAWLING BACK TO U ON HIS KNEES begging for ur forgiveness, he'll be surprised at this NEW behaviour of urs becos he already knows u inside out.

"If u actually love him like u say u do and desire for him to stop breaking ur heart, that is the ONLY WAY to make him change for good. When he knows that if he continue to treat u badly he stand the risk of loosing u for good, he'll be forced to change if he really can't stand the thought of losing u. And, my dear, he will only get worse after marriage if u don't take action NOW. I guarantee u that."

Debra sent me this reply to my above message to her (12 February, 2010 at 10:53):

"Well as I said earlier on.....I ll try harder this tyme to let go completely..n I m nt pregnant...jst had a false alarm...feeling so relieved....anyway dnt think he is even gonna change his mind abt me cos he said he is never gonna feel tht way abt me n he doesn't care if he loses me for good..."

Free Relationship Advice by Kome:

"I believe he has made himself clear to u enough that he does not love u."

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