Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Here's How

Are you married? If yes, are you your partner's best friend?

If not, why not? On a scale of 10 to 1 (7-10 represent perfect or best, 5-6 represent good or average, while below 5 represent below average), how would you rate your friendship with your spouse?

Why Be Your Partner's Best Friend

Many married couples do not see themselves as good friends, much less best friends in their marriage. They are just content to be husbands and wives - nothing more, nothing less; even at that, they do a very poor job of it. So, It is a good idea to do a self-analysis of the state of affairs in your marriage - not tomorrow, not next tomorrow, not next year - but NOW.

The reason for this relationship assessment is because it is very crucial to maintaining marital harmony. And maintaining marital closeness, unity and harmony by being your partner's best friend is the only way to guarantee marital happiness.

And as for those who are not yet married, it is very important for them not to get married just to meet societal expectations or simply because it is the popular fad within their neighbourhood; and thereafter just go through the motion of being married.

Doing that would be tantamount to living a life of subterfuge. Hence, it is strongly recommended that you be your partner's best friend!

By so doing, you will surely be doing yourself and your heart a huge favour. Otherwise, it is by far better to refrain from going into marriage altogether! That is what is best for the marriage institution so as to maintain the sanctity of the holy estate.

As a matter of fact, my greatest relationship tip and advice in this website is this: marry your best friend! (please see the internet classic article: Marry Your Best Friend).

But, if you are already married and you find that your being your partner's best friend falls below average, it is not too late to really work at your friendship with your spouse and eventually be your partner's best friend. And, as you will soon see, being best of friends with your partner does not require much or a lot in order to achieve, if indeed your utmost desire is to make your marriage succeed.

Similarly, it is strongly recommended that unmarried couples who are dating with a view to marriage also conduct this relationship assessment with a view to finding out the state of affairs in their relationship before they go into marriage.

Consequently, this article is intended to give you all the assistance you require to help you be your partner's best friend.

Therefore, it is very pertinent to ask the following question: where do you start from in order to be your partner's best friend?

Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Where to Start From

Well, if you desire to be your partner's best friend, you need to remind yourself of the reasons why you got married to your spouse in the first place.

Okay, let's reflect on this for a bit. Why did you get married to your spouse?

Did you get married to your spouse to satisfy your innate need and desire for love and companionship? Or did you get married for other reasons such as desiring to start having children and start a family; or rather because you have attained a marriageable age and it is your parents' wish and societal's expectation for you to get married?

On the other hand, did you get married in order to meet a particular urgent need, such as needing a marriage certificate to be able to obtain a resident permit in a foreign country?

Whatever the reason(s) why you got married may be, let me state here categorically that any reason that is devoid of the human innate need for love and companionship is very flimsy indeed and is not strong enough to sustain a marriage union through thick and thin.

Additionally, you could have gotten married to any other person - but you didn't. Instead, you chose to get married to your spouse. Was that an accident? Of course not! Everything happens for a reason. So, too, your getting married to your spouse is a strong indication that you probably were meant for each other.

Hence, is that not sufficient reason for you to be your partner's best friend?

How to Be Your Partner's Best Friend

So, in practical terms, how can you be your partner's best friend? Some of the ways to be your partner's best friend are as follows:

1. Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Put Positive Energy into Your Marriage

(i) Adopt A Smile

Be your partner's best friend by putting positive energy into your marriage. How do you do this? Smiling a lot while looking into your partner's face is one way to do this.

When compared to a frown which wrinkles and disfigures a person's face, a smile illuminates the bearer's face and carries with it strong positive energy that is infectious to all those gazing at the person's face. They too are compelled to smile.

Thus, a smile has the power to diffuse all tensions and restore a positive relationship atmosphere at any point in time in a relationship - especially when a disagreement is imminent or has occurred. Hence, couples can adopt a smile as a preventive mechanism for overcoming misunderstanings and disagreements.

The potency of the power of a smile should not in the least bit be underestimated. lt is the simplest of all languages that even little children and toddlers understand perfectly.

To illustrate this point, l was travelling by road between two neighbouring states in Nigeria on a certain bright and sunny day in the month of November - a journey of over a hundred kilometres.

Among the 30 passengers in the commutter bus was a mother and her baby of about two years old sitting by my side. Perhaps out of curiousity or interest or both, the little girl kept looking at my face and l smiled constantly and winked at her each time she did that.

The warm smile that l kept giving the toddler conveyed a message of friendliness; and the baby just could not bear it any longer and just struggled with her mother to allow her come into my arms. I had no choice but to carry the baby in my arms throughout that journey all because of a simple smile.

At one point in the journey, l was pleasantly amused when the baby had to choose between returning to her mother and remaining in my arms. She stretched out her hands to her mother a couple of times back and forth while smiling - as if she has just discovered a new game - until she eventually decided to remain in my arms.

Amazing indeed! Have you learnt anything from this experience? You should! lf babies can understand something as simple as a smile, how much more should adults!

So, even when things are not going well and through the toughest and roughest of all times in your marriage, do not wear it on your face like a face mask! Do your partner and your marriage a huge favour. Learn to smile a lot and be that encouraging shoulder that your partner can rely on through thick and thin.

After all, no matter how bad things are, there is always someone whose case is worse than your own. So, do not carry your personal or marital problems on your face as if the whole world is resting on your shoulders!

When you smile a lot and are receptive to your partner's need for comfort after the business of each succeeding day, your partner see your arms as a source of comfort to run to during the most trying of all times. Your marm smile becomes like a ray of sunshine after the most dreadful of all storms in your partner's heart.

(ii) Touch, Kiss, Cuddle and Hug Your Partner Frequently

Touching and cuddling your partner a lot - even when there is absolutely no reason to - is another way to put positive energy into your marriage. And by so doing, you be your partner's best friend. You will indeed be amazed at how many couples fail to touch their partners from one day to the next - even while engaging in sex! Is that not simply stupendous?

And just in case you did not know it, if there is less frequent touching, hugging and cuddling in a marriage union it is a strong indication that there is lack of love and affection in the marriage. It is a weak point that can signify the presence of a crack in the marriage.

Hence, it is strongly recommended - the love doctor's prescription - that you engage constantly in a passionate embrace and long-drawn kiss with your partner while fondling and touching all parts of each other - even without having sex as the ulterior motive behind it. Thereafter, you can simply step back a little to look with fondness and admiration into each other's eyes after the long-drawn embrace.

Believe me, you will experience a dramatic therapeutic effects on both you and your partner and the romantic sensation that you derive in all parts of your body as a result of this can convey non-verbal messages far surpassing that of even a thousand words.

Apart from being an indication of affection in a relationship, this is also a sign of positive relationship atmosphere in your marriage. For more information on positivity in a relationship or relationship atmosphere, please see the web page: Compatibility Test.

There is absolutely no doubt that frequent close contact between married couples is a strong indication that their first love for each other still wax strong like a piece of metal that has become inseparably linked to a magnet. l am certain too that it creates strong emotional bond between couples that is difficult, if not impossible, to sever.

Touching and cuddling one's partner is what many married couples can do well to learn from dating teenagers. Teenagers know that holding hands is a means of communicating their love for each other and they exploit it to the fullest.

You always see dating teenagers cheerfully walking side by side, hand in hand, talking and laughing together like two inseparable siamese twins - even when they know little or nothing about love and the emotions between them is nothing but mere infactuation. But, infactuation or not, dating teenages sure know how to express their feelings for each other!

But, how many married couples walk side by side, holding hands, when leaving the home together? What l see most times is the man is walking fast ahead, with the woman hot on his trail. Many may actually believe that they are too old to indulge themselves in such "kiddies stuff".

Unbelievable! Is it not? But, little did they know that such "kiddies stuff" is what many marriages need to put a pep in them and keep them from going over the edge!

And what about when they have to take a family car together, how many men even bother to open the car door for their partners? Let's not just go there because that is a different matter altogether!

And what about you? Can you remember when last you touched your partner for real? Kissed, hugged and cuddled your partner?

Life is too short to settle for worries. Put positive evergy and add pep into your marriage. Touch, kiss, hug and cuddle your partner as frequently as decency might dictate.

Thus, in order to maintain a relationship - especially marriage - on a sustainable level there just have to be frequent touching, passionate kissing, hugging and cuddling of your partner. That is the expression of love in its purest and most beautiful form!

2. Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Be Your Partner's Better Half

Another way to be your partner's best friend is to be your partner's better half. According to the Bible, when dating couples get married, they are "no longer two but one". So, show that you are your partner's better half by being your partner's best friend.

The best way to illustrate the relationship between married couples is the human body. The human body is made up of different parts with different functions - but they all cooperate for the smooth functioning of the whole body.

When all is well, there is a feeling of well-being throughout the entire body. But when one part of the body is in pain or diseased all other parts of the body are affected. And in most cases, all other parts join forces to assist the suffering part to recover to good health again.

It is for good reason therefore that married couples are regarded as better half of each other - and together they form a complete whole like members of a body; so they should behave as such. They should show concern and care about the welfare of one another both in small as well as big issues.

Consequently, do you see your partner as your "better half"? If so, are you caring and sensitive to his or her unique needs? Are you considerate? Are you kind towards your partner? Do you see your partner as a part of your own body? Thus, do you take your partner's problems and heartaches as your own? Or, are you conceited and self-centred in your dealings with your partner?

Without a doubt, a very conceited and self-centred person is not anyone's idea of a good friend, much less a best friend, and is not attractive to anyone by any standard. Such a person cannot in reality be regarded as one's better half, for that matter. Hence, the good book strongly advises husbands to love their wives as they love themselves because they are their better halves.

Continuing, the Bible says that the man that loves his wife loves himself - "for no man ever hated his own flesh. But, he feeds, nurtures and cherishes it. So husbands ought to be loving their wives" (Eph. 5:25, 28, 29).

That is great advice indeed!

3. Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Show Interest in each Other's Activities and projects

Similarly, another way to show that you are your partner's best friend is to show interest and display the greatest understanding of your partner's activities.

For instance, it is perfectly normal for men to constantly worry about their financial state and how to improve it, whereas many women may simply not wish to be bothered about it. So, we have a situation where the man keeps staring at the mounting bills waiting to be settled and he spends time away from his wife engaging in one activity or the other - either online or off - trying to find a way to improve the family income.

It is at times like these that many women feel abandoned and neglected. Rather than attempt to understand the man's business line and activities, many women have used this as ground for nagging and tormenting their husbands to death. lf you do this, it is not good at all.

While it is not advisable for men to use their business activities as a convenient excuse for ignoring and even abandoning their wives, wives too should not create points of conflicts from it. Much can be achieved through honest and open communication of the business and other activities engaged in by both parties.

The late Notorious BIG, in one of his commandments in his famous "10 crack commandments" song, said "This rule is completely underrated. Keep your family and business completely separated. Money and blood don't miss like two dicks in a hole bitch. Find yourself in serious shit".

Sadly, that is the impression that many men have about their businesses. But, that is not the way to go. No. No. No. No sir! That is the gangster way of doing things. That is not a true reflection of a marriage where the partners are best of friends.

To be your partner's best friend as a husband, you should involve your wife in your business activities or discuss them with her and seek her inputs on it. On the other hand, as a wife, you can be your partner's best friend by showing that you understand your husband's financial worries; by sitting with him and having a frank discussion about it.

You can go a step further by showing interest in the activities he has adopted to improve the family income. Usually, when women do this, their husbands are more than happy to get them more involved in their business dealings.

As a matter of necessity, if you desire to be your partner's best friend, you must share in your partner's successes as well as his or her failures. Share each other's burdens. That is what you have a companion for.

Show that you are more than just a room mate to your partner by being best of friends with him or her. Otherwise, you may not be different from a room mate in an institution if you do not show interest or show that you are supportive of your partner's ideas and projects.

4. Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Spend Quality Time Together

Spend quality time together. How do you do this?

One way of spending quality time with your partner is to communicate.

Sit together after the business of the day and communicate - really communicate and pour out your heart to each other. It is also a good idea to pay attention and really listen while your partner is talking, while trying to get the whole gist of what he or she is saying before responding in an intelligent manner.

Interrupting each other while one of you is still talking is not a good way to communicate. Patience is the key. Applying discernment is golden. So, know when to talk and make meaningful inputs to the conversation as well as when to listen and really listen for real.

Another bad communication manner is to feel opinionated and to disregard your partner's views or ideas completely. The fact that you are married to your partner does not mean that you will agree on every point.

After all, everyone is entitled to hold his or her opinions and ideas as long as these are not detrimental to the marriage union. So, allow your partner room to express his or her opinions and respect them just as he or she respect yours.

Another way to spend quality time with your partner is to engage in an activity that is of mutual interest to both of you, such as playing indoor games.

You can also engage in outdoor activities like going fishing - if you have the time.

Thus, it is a good idea to set time aside for spending quality time together with your spouse, irrespective of your very busy schedule.

You can fix a date when both of you can go out by yourselves - leaving the whole world behind - no cell phones, no pagers, no laptops, no nothing! Just you and your partner.

5. Be Your Partner's Best Friend -
Focus on Your Partner's Good Qualities

Another way that you can be your partner's best friend is to focus strictly on your partner's good qualities. After all, was it not the good qualities of your spouse that attracted you to him or her in the first place; despite his or her negative side? So, If you did not see those negative aspects of your spouse before marriage, why have they suddenly become sources of marital conflicts after marriage?

So, it is not wise for you to be judgmental of your spouse all the time - inputting bad motives to every action or every word of your partner. If you regard your partner as your best friend, then you will give him or her the benefit of doubt in any given situation. So, rather than feel easily offended, make allowances for the actions of your partner.

The naked truth is that there is no perfect human being anywhere in the world. Everyone has good as well as bad or even ugly side. But, mark you, nobody is totally bad. Even the devil behave sometime in a manner that may be regarded as good.

So endeavour to magnify those good qualities of your partner while playing down on the negative aspects. Constantly remind yourself of those good qualities and show gratitude for having a partner who have those attributes. Also, let your partner know that those qualities are what endear him or her to you.

Be Your Partner's Best Friend - The Perfect Marriage Gift

Good friends are like endearing diamonds - they simply glow and shine through. But all the more so are married couples when they be their partner's best friend! There is no insincerity or deception in their character and personality. Like diamonds, they are ever enduring and stand the test of time!

Some marriages are pitiable indeed by every standard. They are like gifts that you receive from someone that are totally worthless that you ask yourself "what in heavens name am l going to do with this?"

But, you catch your breath and whistle softly "sweet Jesus!" when you see the content of some gift wrappings - a glowing and invaluable piece of jewelry.

And you say to yourself "what in heavens name have l done to deserve this?" That is what great friends are to one another - a true and very rare unfading gem!

So, ask yourself. Are you your partner's best friend? Does your partner find you endearing? If not, then you seriously need to work on your character and personality traits in order to endear yourself to your partner - if indeed you truly love your partner like you claim that you do.

Honestly, being your partner's best friend is the perfect marriage gift that you can ever give to your spouse better than any other gift. Be there for him or her. Be that shoulder for him or her to lean on, cry on, laugh on and rely on through thick and thin. That is the greatest good that you can do to both of your own hearts.

When married couples see each other as best of friends and behave as such, they contribute to the marital harmony and happiness in their marriage. Thus, married couples should behave as endearing diamonds are to their owners.

Be that marriage gift to your partner. Be your partner's best friend!

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