Parenting with Love and Logic

Parenting with love and logic is the complete body of parenting skills and attributes which, when applied together, make up good parenting.

Simply put, therefore, parenting with love and logic entails the application of logic combined with love in children's upbringing. Additionally, it involves the application of a series of clear-cut result-oriented approach in rearing children.

In other words, this parenting style goes way beyond the traditional form of parenting. And it is not so difficult to cultivate. lt is within the easy reach of every responsible parents. This article therefore shows how love and logic parenting can easily be cultivated.

Sub-divisions of Good Parenting

As a matter of fact, love and logic parenting is a series of processes often involving the application of psychology as well as natural parenting instincts, which arises as a result of the fact that rearing children in our modern world has taken a whole new dimension.

Children are growing up so fast nowadays that parents are finding it pretty difficult to catch up with their upbringing before they become young adults.

Thus, a rhetorical question arising as a result of this trend is this: "is it the children that have evolved to become superkids or the parents that have become less equipped to adequately take care of their natural role as parents?"

Well, whichever it is, it is not the objective of this write-up to insinuate that parents have failed in their responsibility of rearing children. Far from it!

On the other hand, the fact remains that in order for parents to successfully carry out their parental functions they need to apply good parenting skills in the form of love and logic parenting.

For the purpose of discuss, therefore, we are going to sub-divide the application of good parenting skills into the following:

$$$ Parenting with love; and
$$$ Parenting with logic

But, let us establish a background for this study so as to understand fully the clear difference between the traditional form of parenting and parenting with love and logic.

The Traditional Form of Parenting

What is the traditional form of parenting?

Well, consider for a moment the following. Every parent, good or bad, rich or poor, provide the basic necessities of life for their children. Every parent provide food, shelter, clothing for their children, as well as footing the various bills arising from their upbringing.

Certainly, it is not enough for parents to be able to provide the basic necessities of life for their children. That is the traditional form of parenting that comes naturally to every parent. You may be surprised that even a mentally unstable parent know how to take of his or her child very well. But, that would depend on the level of insanity - l'm sure you agree!

Please ponder over this for a while. Is it really sufficient that you are able to provide your children with good and balanced diet? Well-built accommodation? Expensive clothes? And taking them to the most expensive school in the neighbourhood? As well as being able to take care of them when they fall ill?

What about their mental and phychological needs? Their emotional needs for love and affection? Who provides these for your children? Nannies? Babysitters? Is that what good parenting is all about? Certainly no! YES, No sir! That is the traditional form of parenting. Good parenting goes way beyond that.

Parenting with Love

Parenting with love is a fundamental aspect of good parenting skills that can easily be cultivated, if lacking, by every parents, rich or poor, who really and truly love their children. It involves the satisfaction of the physical needs of your children, as well as their mental, psychological and emotional needs as well. And that does not even require that you be rich for you to be able to provide them for your children.

As a parent, you need to realise that when you have children you come into a relationship with them very much like any other. Hence, you should know that as with any other relationship, love is the basis and foundation of a lasting relationship with your children.

Remember, love does not cost a thing. And that is what every human being alive has plenty and a fully-loaded reservoir of. lf you are not well-to-do, or barely attempting to make ends meet, take full advantage of this to the fullest! Yes, in many instances, it simply requires that you be there for your children when they need you the most.

And that, my good friend, is where many wealthy people miss the mark in the upbringing of their children.

In my humble opinion, the wealthy people in the society are the ones who most urgently need to cultivate parenting with love. This is because a great number of them pamper their children silly with their wealth. Yes, the truth is bitter; but it must be told!

They replace their children's needs for love, affection and attention with expensive toys, television sets, computer games and still more expensive toys. And, to make matters worse, they leave them at the mercy of nannies and babysitters to take care of. Many are never there for their children when they need them the most.

Yes, money can buy a lot of expensive gifts for your children. But, money cannot buy them the love and attention that they need in order for them to develop into a well-rounded, confident and self-assured adults in their later years in life. And that is what you achieve when you wisely adopt this good parenting style - parenting with love.

lt is a course of love therefore for you to apply the following proven good parenting skills.

1. Understand Why Children Behave the way they Behave

The first place to start is for parents to understand the psychology of their children. After all, as the next closest person to them, after their spouse, parents need to understand the way their children think and reason and why they behave in a certain way.

This is the most fundamental of all the good parenting skills there is. In fact, it is an act of love on the part of parents when they endeavour to understand their children's behaviour.

So, why do children behave in the way they behave?

Children behave the way they behave for the following reasons:

• Children lack any valuable experience to guide their behaviour.
• Children are naive and behave stupidly sometimes.
• Children even tend to be outright rebelious sometimes.
• Children are a shade smarter nowadays due to advancement in technology than in the days of their parents.
• Children are very sensitive and cotton quickly to atmospere and they can easily sense an insincere smile or false words.
• Children's behaviour are often a reflection of the behaviour of their close community, especially that of their parents - as they view these ones as their role model and see the world around them through their parents' eyes.

lt is a smart parenting skill for you to love your children no matter how badly they may behave! Use the "rod" to discipline your child when you need to. But, do not fail to teach the child a vital lesson in the process.

Never apply discipline to your child as if you are repaying a debt - that is, "tooth for tooth", "eye for eye", sort of. Apply "discipline to the proper degree" while keeping the child at a loving distance to you.

And, remember, do not discipline a child repeatedly for the same offence through berating the child with your hurtful remarks. Once a child has been corrected for a bad behaviour, never make reference to that behaviour ever again!

After the child has been disciplined, simply forgive the child and forget all about the bad behaviour. lf a child misbehaves again, discipline the child for that particular offence only and not in addition to a previous offence.

The trick here is to know what the "proper degree" is when it comes to disciplining an erring child.

The love parents have for their children is put to the test during this time, most especially when the child has caused a great distress to the family.

An instance that readily comes to mind here is when a child has engaged in fighting in school or has engaged in one mischief or the other within the neighbourhood.

What you need to bear in mind while disciplining the child, however, is not to repay the child back in his or her own coin for the pain the child has caused the family.

But, the objective should be to correct the child and keep the child back on the right track of responsible behaviour.

Hence, love the child and make the child understand that you love him or her and desire for him or her to make you proud by behaving well. That is how good parents who truly love their children behave!

To this end, accept your children under any circumstance and express genuine love and affection for them irrespective of their behaviour. Remember that children often see through any pretence and insincerity. Hence, you need to show this parental love sincerely from your heart and very often both in words and actions - e.g. with frequent touching, hugging and words like "l love you, sweetie" while looking into the child's eyes.

That is what parenting with love is all about. This provides your children with a level of self-worth and keeps their self-esteem very high. Thus, your children feel loved and develop a sense of security and see the home as a true haven for them. So, the end result is that your children run home with their problems, rather than run away from it.

And that is why when a girl says to her dad: "l love you daddy. You are the best dad in the whole wide world!", she actually means it sincerely and genuinely - without any reservations whatsoever. Additionally, she is a reflection of the treatment she has received over time and is giving back what she has received unselfishly.

3. Praise Your Children!

The most powerful drive towards good behavior in children is in being appreciated. When a child does well at something, express your appreciation for them. When they do something nice for you, show your appreciation for that. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and children are especially sensitive to this.

Like everyone else, children need praise too for good behaviour to ensure their emotional and psychological development. By praising your children for good behaviour, they feel appreciated and wanted. And you should not be miser about it too. Praise the child lavishly when he or she is of good behaviour. Use words like: "l'm so proud of you, honey", "You're the best, sweetheart".

After all, if you do not hesitate to discipline your child when the child behaves badly, why should it be difficult to praise him or her for behaving well?

Do not forget that children are in the learning process. So help the process along by teaching them proper behaviour from improper ones by disciplining them for behaving badly while remembering to show appreciation for their good behaviour. As you appreciate their good behaviour frequently, their behaviour will be more in line with what you want and expect of them.

parenting-skills-explained.com puts it this way: "Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task. Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules. Appreciation also helps them make that maturing determination of what is right and what is wrong, based on how appreciated they feel.

"Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends. Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration."

4. Do Not Have A Favourite Child!

Many parents are guilty of this act. They have a favourite child - e.g. "daddy's pet", "daddy's little girl", etc. They do this for a lot of reasons.

One of the reasons is that the child is seen as an answer to their prayers, either perhaps because they did not begin having children early in their marriage or because the child is their last child.

Do you have a favourite child? Why? If you have, and irrespective of whatever reason you have that favourite child, know now that it is wrong to have a favourite child. lt is not in the best interests of your other children, neither does it help your "favourite child" in any way. You only end up pitching one child against the others.

So, please, please, please, for the love of God, do not have a favourite child! (In order for you to fully comprehend the foolishness of having a favourite child, please see the web page: Do you have a favourite child?)

Treat all your children equally. There should be no double standard in the sharing of reward for good behaviour and certainly there should be no double standard in the apportioning of blame to whoever of your children that has broken a family rule. In this way, there is mutual cooperation and the unity of the whole family is maintained.

5. Set Good Examples for Your Children

As a parent, your children constantly look up to you for guidance in proper conduct and responsible behaviour. But, where the problem lie is, children are good copycats. And they may never ask you what is proper behaviour and what is not. So, they just observe you and adopt a style of "monkey do, what monkey see" behaviour.

"Some say l'm crazy. These punk-ass cops can't save me.
Mama tried to raise me but had too many babies.
Papa was a motherfucking joke. Used to find dope in his coat
and nearly choke when he told me not to smoke. Damn, don't get me started.
My mama smoke so goddamned much when she was pregnant.
l'm surprised l ain't retarded..."

The foregoing is enlightening indeed and describe in graphic terms as to why many kids behave the way they behave. Is your child a problem child? Is he or she "fond" of doing things to cause you pain and grief? Find out why. Ask yourself: could you be doing anything that the child is copying from?

Similarly, what is the relationship between you and your spouse? Is it cordial? Are you chum buddies with your spouse? Or, is there a gulf separating the two of you? If there is, know now that your children's behaviour may be a reflection of the disharmony between you and your spouse. Therefore, you owe it to your children to be at peace and happy with your spouse.

Also, when it comes to disciplining a child, never take the side of your child against your spouse in front of the child. You only give the child more room to be rebellious.

6. Expect Only the Best from Your Child

In web building, there is a popular saying that, "What You See Is What You Get (WYSIWYG)". With rearing children, however, What You Expect Is What You Get (WYEIWYG). Often, if you expect the best behavior and performance from your child, that is what you will get.

As a matter of fact, children pick up on our beliefs about them. Hence, never use degoratory words on your child - no matter how badly the child has behaved. Never ever say to a child: "l know you will turn out a no-good!" or, even when they have become young adults and are passing through some trying times, never tell your child: "You have never made a single decision that brought progress all your life!"

Please let me know. Are those words nice words to say to anyone, much less your child? If your spouse were to say those words to you irrespective of what you have done, would you be happy or feel offended? Then why say them to your own children?

That sort of speech only serve to crush their spirit and ultimately chase them farther away from you. And do not be surprised when your children grow up to become total strangers and, much worse, sworn enemies to you. God forbid! But, just to drive this point home, please listen to the lyrics of the famous rap and hiphop superstar Eminem's "Cleaning Up My Closet" to understand what l mean here.

To this end, according to parenting-skills-explained.com, "form a self-concept that matches that belief, and perform accordingly. If we expect them to be lazy, they'll be lazy, which will confirm our expectations for them, and the cycle toward failure is started.

"If, on the other hand, we expect our kids to be successful, productive, creative, and responsible and honestly believe it to be true, then our children can't help but rise to the occasion and confirm our best opinions of them with their positive actions. So expect nothing but the best from your children and watch them fulfill your expectations." Great advice indeed!

7. Give Your Children Quality Time

Your children also need what is commonly known as quality time too. Spend reasonable time with your chilren. Do not chase a child away when the child desires your attention and wishes to communicate with you - no matter how busy you might be. If you do, you only end up hurting the child's feelings.

And do not be surprised that the child withdraws to him or herself during the difficult teenage years as a result of the barrier which was created a few years back. What a dreadful thing it is to find that your child has become a teenager and a total stranger to you!

Parenting with Logic - Going A Step Further
in Cultivating Good Parenting Skills

According to Foster Cline and Jim Fay, in their book "Parenting With Love And Logic", it is recommended that parents allow freedom for the 95 percent of decisions that don't matter, so that they can fully claim control for the 5 percent that do.

In other words, according to the authors, when the outcome isn't important, give your child the power to choose. When the outcome is important, make the decision unwaveringly and unapologetically. On the other hand, let your child do it when he or she requests it of you, if the end result doesn't matter.

They suggest allowing your children to make choices by themselves throughout the day, choosing from a finite amount of selections which you have provided them with.

On the other hand, the trick is to know when to give the child the independence he or she so desperately craves, and when to keep the child's spirit of independence in check. Thus, the authors recommend that parents adopt the following love and logic parenting skills:

1. Offer pre-filtered choices so that they have finite options for decision-making.

2. They're also vying for control in their life, and are constantly testing the waters of independence. It is not all the time when your child desires to exercise a certain amount of independence that it is bad.

The difference, however, lies in knowing when the behaviour exhibited by your child bothers on outright stubborness or a desire to be allowed to make his or her own personal choices and preferences.

3. invent decisions to be made, almost in a silly way.

When your child doesn't cooperate, make the decision for him and move on. You make the decisions that do matter, and claim your position as a parent cheerfully and unwaveringly.

If you are interested in knowing more about this parenting style, you can purchase the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay at Amazon.com by clicking on the picture of the book just opposite.

Parenting with Love and Logic - An Art

Good parenting, in the form of love and logic parenting, is certainly like an art - filled with a lot of challenges. lt is a skill that is learned over time, and with many mistakes. But, like every good thing that do not come easy, do not relent after just a few tries.

Consequently, you need to constantly adjust to the new circumstances that continually arise as your children grow and develop physically and emotionally from one day to the next through their babyhood and teenage years. Thus, one of the keys to good parenting is to adapt well to the various challenges rearing children presents and learn from the mistakes made in the process.

However, you need to believe that you are the best and only person well-equipped for the job when it comes to rearing your children. And, please, never, never, never delegate your parenting responsibilities to nannies and babysitters!

Being a parent in itself is a joy like no other, but it takes a lot of efforts for parents to be good parents.

Rearing children is certainly not an easy task for responsible parents who are desirous of rasing their children to become responsible adults later on in their life. But, it is indeed a worthwhile task at that - especially when your children grow up to become responsible adults.

lt is a source of joy to you when your children grow up, live responsibly, get married and give you grand-children in your old age to repeat the eternal process all over again. The joy knows no bounds.

lf there is any duty that can be delegated to other people, rearing children is not one of them! It is a job that every responsible parents should do with joy and selflessness because the good parenting skills that you invest now on rearing your children properly will come back many years later to reward you bountifully.

Nevertheless, in order for responsible parents to succeed in their role as good parents, they need to adopt and cultivate parenting with love and logic.

More Useful Resources on Parenting

What about childless married couples? Is there any help available for them? Yes there is! Please click this link to find useful resources for childless married couples.

On the other hand, is it really possible to determine the sex of your unborn baby? Well, advancement in the medical field shows that it is now possible to determine the sex of your baby before the baby is delivered. See some possible sex predictors in the following article: How to Determine the Sex of Your Baby.