How To Be A Great Friend

Are you a great friend? Can people in your neighbourhood or immediate environment attest to your impeccable character as a good friend?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate in terms of friendship? Are you below or above average?

Well, it is not up to you to say whether you are a great friend or not. This is because you cannot see yourself the way other people see you. So, can your neighbours and those around you describe you as a nice person and, above all, a loyal friend?

Or are you the fair-weather friend who is conceited, insensitive and has no love for anyone but him or herself?

Good Friends and Bad Friends

Over the years, the subject of good friends and bad friends has been the focus of several blockbuster movies as well as many secular songs.

Back in the '80s, the musical group Shalamar, Kool and the Gang and a host of other musicians painted graphical mental images through heart-touching musical compositions about great friends and fair-weather friends.

Both variety of songs were beautiful as much as they were breathtaking. Just take a look at some of the lines and reflect upon them awhile.

"'Cos l'll give you the test.
Now, I'll never forget my friends.
You can bet. (l've got friends)
My values are with my friends.
So glad l have. (I've got friends)
And not the fair-weather type..."

"Friends will let you down.
Friends won't be around.
When you need them most,
where are your friends?
Friends are hard to find.
Friends will change their mind.
Talking about your friends."

Mmmmm... What beautiful rhyme! What breath-taking melody! That sure is like a good summary of what good and bad friends are really like. Surely, they don't make good music like that any more!

Certainly, there is no doubt that true friends are very valuable indeed and they are appreciated by everyone. They are simply unforgettable!

The Meaning of True Friendship

Before taking this discuss to a higher platform, let us establish a background for the subject.

What or who is a "friend"?

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a "friend is a person that one likes and knows well".

In the same vein, according to the good book, "A true friend is sticking closer than a brother".

From this description in the preceding paragraph, a true friend is not just a "person that one likes and knows well".

A true friend is a companion, a trusted, close and intimate confidant with whom one shares closely- guarded "secrets" or information.

Now, the Hebrew word used here for "friend" connotes more than just an acquaintance, that is, someone that one knows or grew up with, perhaps in the same neighborhood, at school, at work or even on the internet.

The meaning goes deeper than that; the expression implies a close and trusted companion of whom a person is fond of and shares things in common.

Similarly, the original Hebrew word for "stick" implies the effect a binding substance such as a glue has on two (2) objects when it is applied on them. Certainly, the objects that are joined together in that manner are difficult, if not impossible, to separate without causing irreparabe damage to the two (2) of them. Is it any wonder then that it is advisable for persons intending to get married to marry their best of friends?

You are at liberty to carry out this simple experiment to see for yourself the truthfulness of this statement. No wonder it is a common saying that "a friend in need (true friend) is a friend indeed". Now, the fact that friends of this type "stick" closer to someone than that person's "brother" should drive home a vital lesson that true friends are indeed rare gems of inestimable value that should be treasured above all else!

How to Be a Great Friend

How can you be a great friend? Well, we are going to go beyond theory and get practical.

l am going to cite some practical real-life examples to show you that true friends are indeed a treasure and could be life-saving in many respects.

I have a neighbour who once fell terminally ill. He was visiting a male friend of his at Abraka, a sub-urban town in Delta State of Nigeria.

Are you a great friend? In order to find out, please provide answers to these sample test questions. 1. Are you caring? 2. Are you sensitive to your friend's unique needs? 3. Are you considerate? 4. Are you opinionated or allow your friend room to express his or her opinion? 5. Are you a good listener? 6. Are you judgmental - inputting bad motives to the actions or words of your friend or do you give your friend the benefit of doubt in any given situation? 7. Are you easily offended? 8. Do you take your friend's problem as your own? 9. Are you supportive of your friend's ideas and projects? 10. Are you conceited and self-centred in your dealings with your friend, especially when you transact a business together or when you have cause to share apartment and the expenses related to the apartment? Have these sample questions been helpful in determining how a great friend should be like? Then go ahead, make a personality change and cultivate these endearing qualities yourself, just in case you found yourself wanting in certain areas of the sample questions.

Towards the evening of that Sunday, he suddenly felt a sharp pain just above his pelvic region. He trivialized the pain and thought that it would subside, but how mistaking he was!

Rather than subsiding, the pain increased beyond a bearable point until he simply collapsed on the ground as a result of exhaustion from the pain. As he laid there writhing about on the ground, he had a dim premonition that he was dying.

His friend instantly swung into action and rushed him to a nearby hospital to get him diagnosed and treated of the ailment. However, due to lack of relevant medical facility, he was referred to another hospital located in another town.

The young man's friend stayed with him throughout that nerve-racking period until the family of the young man were contacted and informed of the incident. The young man later had to undergo surgery that day as a remedy to his sickness.

It was most probably the timely intervention of this young man's friend that possibly saved his life. That is how to be a great friend.

In the same vein, l have a colleague who has the same character as my neighbour's friend described above.

He is naturally good and shows the greatest understanding to issues pertaining to his friends.

He uses his time, money and resources to assist his friends without expecting anything in return. He has been particularly very supportive to me during some very trying times.

He is a good listener as well and never judge his friends harshly or input wrong motives to the actions of his friends. Well, you will certainly agree with me that he is a friend worth having indeed!

Friends of this sort are certainly hard to find!

How Not to Be a Great Friend

Now contrast those two scenarios above with this one. I have a colleague who spends the greater percentage of his time with me criticizing every little thing l do and say.

He does not see anything good in anyone but himself. He is so deceptive that there is total insincerity in his demeanour every time that he is with me. He is quick to tell me: "l am a critic and l don't bloody care whether anyone likes me or not!"

Then what the f**k was he hanging around me for if he didn't care at all about my feelings and our friendship!

The Perfect Holiday Gift

To make it worse, he doesn't even know that he has a problem. How terrible!

And this is the same person l do render financial assistance to every now and then when he was inevitably broke.

How ungrateful can people be! He even told me at one time when our relationship was slightly good that he was a fault-finder even at his home! How l pitied his wife a lot - she must be going through hell at his hands!

On one occasion when l fell ill, he mocked me and made so much jest about my illness right in the presence of other people. He even made some unprintable remarks to me at that time that l had to tell him l no longer needed him as a friend. Right now, he has chosen not to exchange greetings with me any longer despite working together in the same office.

But since that incident with him l have not seen or heard him making mockery of or jesting about other people. Amazing! So, his friendship with me was just all about mocking and making jest of me in public. I do not need such friends at all!

And as for my own blood brother, well, that's simply something else. He has made it crystal clear that he doesn't give a hoot whether l live or die. And he is my junior brother from the same mother's womb! And he has simply ignored me despite the series of moves l made to bring about a reconciliation between the two of us.

Do you now see why the Bible says that "a true friend is sticking closer than a brother"? It is my candid belief that you are better off not having any friends whatsoever than having "friends" who cannot add value to your existence and who only serves as a huge minus. You do not need such "friends" at all.

The True Value of Good Friends

Great friends should add value to someone's life. As a matter of fact, good friends should not have the sole objective of serving as a debilitating or detracting factor in a person's life.

Those sort of friends and family members are a great hindrance to someone's progress. And as far as l am concerned, individuals of this nature do not have a place in my life - irrespective of whatever family ties they may have with me - father, mother, brother, sister, relation, friend or whoever.

Honestly, friendship is like a gift from someone concealed inside a gift wrapper. You never know what you're gonna get until you open the wrapper.

Some gifts are totally worthless that you ask yourself "what in heavens name am l going to do with this?" But, you catch your breath and whistle softly "sweet Jesus!" when you see the content of some gift wrappings - a glowing and invaluable piece of jewelry.

And you say to yourself "what in heavens name have l done to deserve this?" That is what great friends are - a true and very rare unfading gem!

Good friends are like endearing diamonds - they simply glow and shine through. There is no insincerity or deception in their character and personality. Like diamonds, they are ever enduring and stand the test of time!

So, ask yourself. Are you that type of friend? If you are not, then you seriously need to work on your character and personality traits in order to endear yourself to others. Otherwise, people might not find your company to be inviting.

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