Compatibility Test

Are you getting married soon? You are? Great! Then that means you have found your "Prince Charming" or "Lady Love". Congratulations! But, have you performed a compatibility test to find out if both of you are best suited for each other?

Thus, it is pertinent for you to provide an objective answer to the following question: Is he or she your best friend? lf that is indeed the case, then you are 50% home. However, in order for you to improve on the likelihood of marital success, you need to conduct a relationship test with respect to compatibility.

This is simply because the fact that your would-be-spouse is your best friend is not enough to ensure marital happiness. (In case you are wondering why it is an utmost necessity for your marriage partner to be your best friend, see the internet classic resource: Marry Your Best Friend). Quite frankly, a whole lot more is needed for your would-be-spouse to make your perfect match.

Some of the other factors that are needed in order to ensure compatibility among dating couples are explained next in the relationship test section.

We will use some fact-finding test questions in this regard to conduct the test of compatibility.

Relationship Compatibility Test

***** Relationship Atmosphere

The foremost of the compatibility issues that we will consider is atmosphere. So, what is relationship atmosphere?

Relationship atmosphere is the all-pervading surrounding influence, mental or emotional; or a general pervasive feeling or mood which the couple engender in their relationship. In simple terms, the atmosphere in a relationship may be described as the couple's attitude to their relationship and with each other.

And in case you did not know it prior to this time, know it now that every relationship has an atmosphere which the couple bring to it.

This feeling can be very overpowering and disconcerting sometimes, especially where such atmosphere has become emotionally draining and exhausting as in an unhappy relationship.

Now, let us suppose that one of parties in a relationship has a positive atmosphere whereas the partner has a negative atmosphere. At first, the couple may get along just fine - at least to onlookers and those outside the relationship.

But, with the passage of a reasonable time, we soon find that the positivity in the relationship will be gradually eroded and, if care is not taken, may lead to the collapse of the relationship - like a gigantic structure whose foundation has become shaky and no longer able to support it.

And that precisely is why if a partner in a relationship constantly feels unhappy, it can rub off on the other party negatively - no matter how cheerful and pleasant such a person's disposition may be.

Remember Mathematics? Negative plus Positive equals Negative, isn't it? What about Positive plus Negative? lt is still negative.

And if you are the type who is particularly sensitive to atmosphere, you cannot fail to feel the disconcerting atmosphere when you visit such couple at their home. Have you ever visited a place and feel that there is something out of place and wrong there, but just cannot place your finger on it?

To this end,

1. What is the emotional atmosphere that your would-be-spouse carry along with him or her from one day to the next?

2. Is he or she friendly?

3. Is he cheerful?

3. Does he or she have a pleasant disposition and easy to get along with?

4. For that matter, are you best of friends? Are you chum buddies, almost like an inseparable siamese twins?

5. As a follow-up to (4) above, do you find it easy to confide in each other as close friends and confidants do?

Remember that your future husband or wife must of a necessity be your best friend in order for you to enjoy a happy and successful married life.

***** Blending / Complementary Traits

The idea behind blending / complementary traits is that when dating couples get married, they are "no longer two, but become one". The marriage Arithmetics is 1 + 1 = 1. That is nothing but blending, in one word.

So, the man and his wife who are truly compatible blend in such a way that you can hardly tell one from the other - simply because they do things together as a single unit and the decisions they make are always unanimous.

Similarly, their reasoning and actions are in perfect tune like a harmonious blend of sweet, melodious symphony.

With this in mind, how would you answer to the following fact-finding questions?

1. Are you a perfect blend with your partner? Do you complement each other? Do you make up for each other's deficiencies?

2. As a woman, do you find it easy to yield to his control and advice with full knowledge that he becomes the head of the home when you eventually get married to him?

3. Does he / she respect your view point and encourage you to express them or does he / she tell you to keep quiet when he or she is talking? If this is the case, the person has a very low perception of you and your ideas.

4. Do you share things in common? Do you have common interests in entertainment and other leisure activities? What common hobbies do you have?

***** Personality Traits

If there is any one single thing that is difficult to change in a person it is the deeply-entrenched personality traits that a person has picked up over time while growing up, either in his or her immediate neighbourhood or at school.

Among these repulsive personality traits which a person may possess are that he or she is an impulsive liar, a chain smoker, an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler who is indebted to almost all the loan sharks where he/she lives.

Another aspect of this unwholesome personality traits is a lack of personal hygiene. Thus, the person goes about without changing his or her undies for days, goes to bed daily without taking his or her bath and is even promiscuous.

Who would want such a repulsive person as a marriage partner? Did you ask? But, the funny thing is that these sort of people end up marrying persons of remarkable and outstanding personalities, whereas those with the same qualities as themselves end up getting turned down. Amazing isn't it? And quite a paradox. Such is the complex nature of human relationships.

In this wise, what would your answer be to these relationship questions?

1. How mature is this person that you desire to engage in a relationship with? And mind you, maturity does not refer to age alone, but the person's general attitude and opinions about issues relating to love, marriage and family life.

2. As a woman, does he have some annoying character that would make you reluctant to be seen with him in public? Consequently, is he the type of person you would be proud to introduce to others as your husband? Mind you, he does not have to be rich, handsome and influential in the society for him to be your "Mr. Right".

3. Does he / she smoke or use hard drugs and try to conceal it? This question could tell you that the person has an addiction. So, be perceptive and observant when with him or her.

4. Does he / she drink and try to conceal it? This question could tell you that the person has a drinking problem. So, be perceptive and observant when with him or her.

5. Is he / she always short of money? This could happen and by paying close attention you could find out whether the person is a good manager of money or not.
Please, please, please, do not make the costly mistake of thinking that a person with the above unwholesome personality traits will change after marriage. lf you do, that will be a true disaster indeed. Matter of fact, only 5% - by my own personal estimation - do change.

Can a leopard change its skin?

***** Family Background and Upbringing

Family background and upbringing play a major factor in shaping and moulding our lives.

As humans, we all originate from one family or the other and have different family background and parental upbringing. For the most part, we do not outgrow these socio-cultural conditioning even after many years of haven left home and set out on our own.

Similarly, beliefs and customs of a locality can make a big impact on a couple's enjoyment of their relationship as one or both of them may continuously insist on doing things the way he or she or both of them have been accustomed to doing in their locality.

Thus, these family, ethnic and even cultural leanings can influence the quality of our relationships positively or negatively.

This may not appear to be a problem at the initial stage. However, these questions could help you determine the real reason for the person's interest in the relationship.

lt might even surprise you to discover that the person no doubt has biased or bigotry tendency to people from your clan, thereby contributing to an unhealthy atmosphere after marriage.

As a matter of fact, a good family background is a sure pointer to a replication of the same situation just before and after marriage.

So,

1. How does he / she treat his / her parents and other family members?

2. Does he / she have negative impression or comment disparagingly all the time about people from your home town, but claim that he / she is interested in you because you are "different"?

3. As a matter of utmost importance, what are the beliefs, customs and culture of the hometown of your partner with respect to the position of the woman in the home as well as the role of relations in the family?

4. What is the belief of the people in the locality with respect to inheritance rights at the death of the husband? Is the family of the man responsible for the disposal of the deceased man's property according to their custom. So, what becomes of his wife and children, if any?

5. What is the position of your spouse with respect to these customs and beliefs? Does he hold on to them fanatically?

ls lt Absolutely Necessary?

Some might discount the need for a compabitility test - feeling that it is really not absolutely necessary. They may feel this way because they feel that they can always study their partners and learn their likes, dislikes, personal preferences and personality traits after marriage.

But, surprisingly, this same people who feel that it is not necessary to do a compatibility test are the same set of people who do not have a high regard for marriage. Thus, at the first sign of trouble, they chicken out sheepishly and throw in the towel while screaming hysterically at the top of their voices: "l'm not doing this! l'm just not ready for this drama!"

Amazing, isn't it? Is it surprising therefore that they feel the way they do?

But, let's just pretend to tow their line of reasoning for a bit and reflect on this for a moment. Why is the failure rate of love relationship and marriage in the society very high nowadays?

There is indeed no denying the fact that marriages fail these days as a result of the fact that many people go into it unprepared. The situation can be likened to that of a student who sits in for an examination without preparing well for the examination. What do you think would be the result of such an examination? Failure, of course! In flying colours, l might add!

lt goes without saying therefore that a relationship test of this kind is an utmost necessity for dating couples intending to get married.

Important Points to Remember

Just as l made clear in the only true love calculator, it is very important for couples to carry out this relationship test before marriage - and not after the marriage has been contracted.

Similarly, it is very pertinent to remember that true love is as simple as it is as beautiful - only when it is genuinely expressed by two sincere persons of the opposite sex.

Openness, sincerity and honesty are the hallmark of any relationship. So, your partner should show EAGERNESS in revealing things about him or herself that you wish to know about.

Watch out for signs of EVASIVENESS on his or her part in discussing some things about him or herself. DO NOT waive it off as immaterial or unnecessary. It may save you a whole load of heartbreak and grief later on!

Thus, it is highly recommended for dating couples intending to get married to have a sincere heart-to-heart frank discussion about areas of concern which may be highlighted as a result of conducting this compatibility test for the purpose of resolving them once and for all.

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